


Now or Never

by RainbowSnek



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: (I wish it were), Gen, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Not Canon Compliant, Odin (Marvel)'s B+ Parenting, Other, does the Major Character Death tag count if said character comes back to life?, genderfluidlokiweek, idk but imma tag anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 06:56:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14051445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowSnek/pseuds/RainbowSnek
Summary: Loki finds themselves at a metaphorical crossroad, having to make a choice that will affect their whole existence from now on.(aka what I would like to happen in Infinity War, but probably won't)





	Now or Never

**Author's Note:**

> Genderfluid Loki Week, March 21- Change. It may already be the 22nd where I live, but timezones are fake anyway so whatever.

After Thanos took the Tesseract from him, Loki was killed. He died, and that should've been it— he knew that he would never be welcomed in Valhalla, and with his sister, the Goddess of Death, destroyed, he wasn't sure what more there was. But somehow, instead of just going puff! and then not existing anymore, Loki found himself... somewhere.  
  
  
He wasn't sure what this place was. Everything had a green tinge to it, but there was no visible source of light. In the distance, there seemed to be some shapes that resembles mountains, but the more he approached, the farther they got. Wandering around, Loki felt as if he was moving, but staying in one place at the same time.  
  
  
Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him. He whirled around, ready to face a possible attacker. It would be an understatement to say that he was shocked when he saw who was behind him. There he stood: Odin, the Allfather, _Loki's_ father, who said that he loved his sons then immediately evaporated the last time they saw each other. Loki raked his brains for something to say, but Odin spoke first.  
  
  
"Loki. My child, who is both son and daughter. I am saddened to see you again so soon."   
  
  
Said child looked at him bewildered, opening and then closing their mouth like a fish a few time, before finally finding their words.  
  
  
"H-how did you know? I never told you. Did Thor—?"  
  
  
"Your brother never said anything either. My failure as a parent has caused you not to trust me, not even with who you are. For that, I am sorry," Odin said, and then looked at the ground between his feet. He truly looked remorseful, which, while not magically erasing all of their past, helped a little bit. Still, this didn't answer Loki's question.  
  
  
"But... _how_?"  
  
  
"Did I not say?" Odin asked, raising his gaze from the ground. "I know you. I know everything you are. And now, you must know yourself, too, and choose the path which you would most like to follow."  
  
  
"And my options are...?" Loki questioned, while turning around, looking for a physical path that they could follow. When they got back to their original position, Odin was nowhere to be see. "Typical," they muttered.  
  
  
Loki began their pointless journey anew, but it was short-lived this time as well. But now, instead of the sound of heavy boots falling, soft footsteps started following them, footsteps that they would recognise anywhere in the Nine Realms and beyond.  
  
  
"Mother..." Loki whispered, afraid that if they spoke too loudly or turned around too quickly, the illusion would fade away and she would also be gone.  
  
  
"Yes, Loki, it's me," she said. If this was some sort of cosmic joke, Loki thought, it was a cruel one.   
  
  
"Look at me, my child. You have nothing to be afraid of," she added after a pause, as if reading their mind. And maybe she did. After all, Loki never found out just how far her magic could reach.  
  
  
"You're not real," Loki said, still refusing to meet her eyes.  
  
  
"I am just as real as you are, my child. And I am so, so proud of you," Frigga said, and raised her hand to caress their cheek.  
  
  
"You shouldn't be," answered Loki, thinking back ashamedly on all the awful things they'd done, but leaning into their mother's touch anyway.  
  
  
As if reading their mind again, Frigga said "It's true, you did many things that are regrettable. But you also saved Asgard. Take credit where it's due, Loki."  
  
  
"What am I supposed to do now?" Loki asked, finally looking their mother in the eyes.  
  
  
"Whatever you want. You could come with us. You wouldn't see your friends again for a very long time, but you'd be with me and your father. Or you could go back. The choice is entirely yours."  
  
  
"What happens if I go back?"  
  
  
"You can live like you have until now or you can change— change both yourself and your destiny."  
  
  
"Will you stay with me?" Loki asked, voice like that of a child who's looking for the comfort of their mother after a nightmare. And maybe that's what it all was— just an awful nightmare.  
  
  
"I cannot," Frigga said with a sad smile. "But I'll always be with you. In here," She put her palm on their chest, right above their heart.  
  
  
And just like Odin, Frigga disappeared as well, taking her infinite kindness and patience, and what little sunshine seemed to be in this place with her.  
  
  
Loki pivoted in place, trying to decide which direction to head toward and started muttering to themselves.  
  
  
"Go back... go back to what? What do I have back there?" They thought about all the people they had ever cared about. Not many of them were still alive. "I have a supportive sort-of-boyfriend, who loves and probably misses me. I have a brother whom I love."   
  
  
Loki smiled faintly, and then stopped his pacing and fell quiet. They now had a reason for going back, but what and who would they be? They had decided a while ago to let go of all the bitterness and anger that had been festering in their heart. They needed to change, but most importantly, they needed other people to notice and accept that. Loki started pacing again and resumed their muttering.  
  
  
"I am the God of Lies. But what _is_ a lie? It is a story told. That's all."   
  
  
Loki now thought back to the theatre plays they had written and put into play wile masquerading as Odin, to the hundreds of tales they had told the Grandmaster— all of them stories, some true and some slightly embellished.   
  
  
"People can rewrite their stories. _I_  can rewrite my story. Write my own happy ending."   
  
  
Loki had been told their whole life what they were supposed to be— God of Lies, bringer of Chaos, and while they didn't mind the latter at all, they wanted to redefine the former. They no longer wanted to conform to other people's expectations.  
  
  
"I am my own, and will not sit long in any box built for me," They grinned and held their head up a little higher. "These things are right. These things we'll keep. As for the rest... let's tell a different story. Let's be something  _new_."  
  
  
Loki turned around once again, then took a step back in surprise. In front of them was a pedestal, with an emerald green fire burning on top of it. They were sure that it hadn't been there before, but who knew? In the middle of the flames sat a crown, not unlike the one that Loki had worn during the battle against Hela. The only difference was that the horns were shorter and one of them seemed to be broken. Whatever. It gave the headpiece character.  
  
  
Loki put the crown on their head and, well, for a few seconds nothing happened. But before they could even think to shout at any cosmic deity who decided to play a joke on them, they blacked out.  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
When she woke up, Loki was... somewhere else. Probably on Midgard, judging by the awful noises, but she had no idea when and where. Crawling out of whatever dumpster she had got herself into this time, she looked towards the skyline, hoping that she could find some clues as to where she was. She was annoyed, but a little bit relieved, when she saw Stark Tower— or rather A Tower, as the new logo would suggest— in the distance. Out of all the places in the Univers, of course she would end up in New York. No matter, unless Thor had been obliterated by Thanos, the Avengers should be able to tell her where her brother was. Loki would've never imagined that worrying about whether Thor was dead or not would become something that she did on a bi-weekly basis, and she hoped that it wouldn't continue.  
  
  
She set off towards the obnoxious tower, but soon realised that she smelled just like the dumpster she had just crawled out of. This couldn't pass. Loki needed a change of clothes, so she reached into the pocket Univers that she kept most of her stuff in, and then panicked slightly when she couldn't find it. It made sens: she created it so only she had access to it, but she died, and the person who came back wasn't the same. Nonetheless, it was still upsetting.  
  
  
Using her seiðr to mask the smell wouldn't do— it would be too exhausting and she wasn't sure how much energy she had left after dying and coming back to life. Resigned to having to buy her new clothes, she conjured some Midgardian money, hoping that it was the right currency. Loki entered the nearest shop that was to her taste, but she was swiftly kicked out, with accusations of being a homeless junkie who lived in a trashcan, which, if one were to think about it, wasn't that far from the truth.  
  
  
Having to buy clothes from a thrift store wasn't high on her bucket list, and yet, here she was. With a newly purchased second-hand outfit, Loki finally entered the Avengers Tower, but not before getting lost at least once on the complicated streets of New York.  
  
  
Inside, everything was made of shiny metal and glass. When Loki approached the receptionist, he asked her in a monotone voice whether she had an appointment, not even bothering to look up.  
  
  
"I'm looking for the Avengers," she aswered, but he only sighed and repeated his question.  
  
  
"No, I don't have an appointment," Loki retorted. "I just need to know whether my brother is alive."  
  
  
The receptionist obviously didn't want to continue this conversation anymore and looked as if he was seconds away from throwing her out on the streets. To her luck, a man who could definitely help her exited the elevator right at that moment. She marched up to Tony Stark and stood in front of him, blocking his way.  
  
  
"Where is my brother?" she demanded.  
  
  
"Woah, lady. a) I don't know who you are, and b) I don't know who your brother is. Now if you'll excuse me," the Iron Man said and tried to push past her.   
  
  
Loki narrowed her eyes at him and continued blocking his way. She realized that he couldn't recognise her when she was in this form. She could use that in her advantage.  
  
  
"I'm looking for Thor. Is he alive?"  
  
  
"Tho— Why wouldn't he be alive? Wait. You aren't Hela, are you?"   
  
  
Loki scoffed and glared at him, making him take a step back with his hands raised as a sign of apology.  
  
  
"Do I _look_ like a murderous witch?" Loki asked.  
  
  
"No, you look like you buy your clothes from Goodwill,"— Loki glared at him harder— "Hey, no offence. Just saying. So about Thor..."   
  
  
He turned his back to her and pulled out his phone, hopefully calling her brother and not the security to escort her out. It would be a small miracle if someone had covienced him to actually buy a phone, but Loki had recently learned that those can always happen.  
  
  
Not even a minute after Stark ended the call that there was a flurry at the door and Thor burst into the building with a shouted "Loki!". She braced herself for the embrace that was sure to come, but wasn't expecting to be almost knocked off her feet. She hugged her brother back and burried her face into his shoulder. Although they had had their disagreements in the past, she was glad that he was alive.  
  
  
"How are you here? I saw you die," Thor said after he let go of her.  
  
  
"Well, I did. Long story. I'll tell you later," she reassured him after seeing the expression on his face when he heard the first sentence. "More importantly, how did you survive? I was sure that Thanos would kill us both."  
  
  
"The Grandmaster—" Thor started, but was interrupted by Stark, who just seemed to register what Thor had shouted when he had entered.  
  
  
"Wait. Hold on a second. Are you telling me that this is Loki? Since when is Reindeer Games a woman?" he asked.  
  
  
Loki rolled her eyes, but explained to him that she was genderfluid with all the patience she could muster. Stark seemed to understand and accept it as the fact that it was, because in his next sentence, he addressed her with the appropriate pronoun.   
  
  
"Alright. But why aren't we locking her up. If I remember correctly, she tried to take over the world the last time she was here. Shouldn't that be reason enough?"  
  
  
This sparked an argument between him and Thor about what had trully happened, but Loki tuned them out. Instead, she looked around the lobby and her eyes fell on the man who was standing a few feet behind Thor. The Grandmaster, who had stayed uncharacteristically quiet this entire time, smiled at her. Loki smiled back and walked to stand next to him.  
  
  
"Hello, stardust," he greeted her. "I see you've, uh, changed a bit."  
  
  
"Yes. I am the Goddess of Stories now. Definitely an upgrade." The Grandmaster hummed in agreement.  
  
  
"I missed you. I, uh, wasn't sure you'd come back," he said, taking Loki's hand into his own.  
  
  
"So you had something to do with this," Loki accused him with the smile still on her lips. The Grandmaster just blinked in that weird way of his that seemed to indicated— but looked nothing like— a wink.  
  
  
"Ah, yes. Now what do you say we, uh, ditch this place, huh?"  
  
  
"I'd be glad to," Loki answered. "Hey, Thor! See you later!" she added as an afterthought.   
  
  
Her brother turned to face her and wawed goodbye. Now that they were on the same planet and would probably stay for a while, they had time to meet up and talk later.   
  
  
Satisfied, Loki turned back to the Grandmaster. They shared a passionate kiss, and then disappeared in a glittery puff of smoke because they were both dramatic like that.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this monstrosity! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  
> This is the longest thing that I've ever written. My teachers would be proud.


End file.
